Will I Ever Feel Calm Again?
What is with these anxiety attacks? I know they are irrational. Is the stress in my chest strangling me from the inside out or am I being killed by a demonic legion?
I really feel stupid for being so stressed over simply losing a job. I was pretty sure this was coming, confirmed it on Monday, and now it's Friday and I still feel like an already dry dish rag being continually wrung. Twisting, tightness until I can hardly breath. What happens just before a person spontaneously combusts? Oh, I guess no one ever survived to report back.
You can see how I am carefully filling my mind with comforting, positive thoughts about being laid off. Think I should read Peale's book again. Or meditate on Proverbs 4:23 (NCV) "Be very careful about what you think, your thoughts run your life."
Oh boy, am I in trouble. I've been thinking of all of the times I took the high road in Corporate America when I knew I was a lamb among wolves. I also knew God would honor me for doing the right thing. On the day I was notified of my job loss, I told a number of friends (Christians and non-Christians) that this was a great time to watch my life. That saying you were a Christian when your life was going well is easy. I actually said, "You watch what God will do with my life!" Now, I cringe at the thought, but I meant it. I still mean it, but now I also fear it. What was I thinking?
John Eldredge makes a great point by challenging Christians to live as if God had to come through. I have taken this message to heart, but fear I have taken it too far. But really, if I look at my life, God has taken me many places and has shown me many things, in spite of what I did.
I'm afraid I'm going to have a heart attack. It does run in the family!
What is with these anxiety attacks? I know they are irrational. Is the stress in my chest strangling me from the inside out or am I being killed by a demonic legion?
I really feel stupid for being so stressed over simply losing a job. I was pretty sure this was coming, confirmed it on Monday, and now it's Friday and I still feel like an already dry dish rag being continually wrung. Twisting, tightness until I can hardly breath. What happens just before a person spontaneously combusts? Oh, I guess no one ever survived to report back.
You can see how I am carefully filling my mind with comforting, positive thoughts about being laid off. Think I should read Peale's book again. Or meditate on Proverbs 4:23 (NCV) "Be very careful about what you think, your thoughts run your life."
Oh boy, am I in trouble. I've been thinking of all of the times I took the high road in Corporate America when I knew I was a lamb among wolves. I also knew God would honor me for doing the right thing. On the day I was notified of my job loss, I told a number of friends (Christians and non-Christians) that this was a great time to watch my life. That saying you were a Christian when your life was going well is easy. I actually said, "You watch what God will do with my life!" Now, I cringe at the thought, but I meant it. I still mean it, but now I also fear it. What was I thinking?
John Eldredge makes a great point by challenging Christians to live as if God had to come through. I have taken this message to heart, but fear I have taken it too far. But really, if I look at my life, God has taken me many places and has shown me many things, in spite of what I did.
I'm afraid I'm going to have a heart attack. It does run in the family!
posted by Cynthia Duck at
6:34 PM
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